Dangers of Child Centered Parenting
Parenting has, in many ways, remained unchanged for centuries. Most parental pairs have the same basic goals for their children??™s formative years. In the past, most families have run smoothly based on the fact that parents always know what is best for their children. In the 60??™s parents decided when to potty train their children and when to send them to preschool, today many parents are following a different philosophy. Child centered parenting is a methodology that encourages letting the child provide cues for both daily and long term goals such as potty training. What happens to the basic parenting goals as the method changes
What is the basis of child centered parenting According to the internet blogs, most followers of child centered parenting fear for their child??™s self esteem. To these parents the boundaries set by most parenting strategies, generally called self centered parenting, limit the child??™s development and cause self doubt. One blog, Loving Your Child dot com, claims, ???You must have noticed that children who live under too many restraints or are overly protected suffer from low self-esteem. This is a major disadvantage of self-centered parenting.??? The hypothesis is that by allowing children to make decisions for themselves they will experience success at an earlier stage, thus raising their self esteem. In practice, child centered parents often allow their children to
make their own schedules rather than sticking to a daily routine and in doing so provide a ???yes??? culture within the home. This involves when they sleep and wake, when they eat, and can even cross into bartering or kowtowing to the child???s wishes. Proponents claim that by fitting into the child??™s life rather than making the child fit into the family??™s life creates a closer bond and greater understanding between parent and child. There have yet to be any credible studies on the long term effects of these methods.
While child centered parenting has been touted in books and our culture for the past decade, the backlash has also been forming. Those who disagree with these parenting strategies have some very credible points. Dr. Walsh, child development expert and author of “No,” Why Kids ??” of all ages ??” need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It,??? has been particularly vocal with his doubts. According to Dr. Walsh, most of what these parents are doing is providing over inflated egos and pumped up self worth. These children are only receiving the simulated feelings of success rather than actually achieving true success. In ???The War on “No” Is “child-centered” parenting producing a generation of brats??? by Kathryn Alexander, he is quoted as saying, ??? If we are intent on providing our children with real self-esteem, we need to help them discover they have the internal resources to manage the negative feelings associated with the obstacles commonly encountered on the road to success: adversity, disappointment and failure.??? In laymen??™s terms, by molding to the will of the child they are not exposed to obstacles and will not learn the vital skills needed throughout life. These children also represent with a sense of entitlement and disregard for others. Dr. Walsh describes children without the limits of traditional parent child relationships as children who have lost the sense of
safety and organization of the world around them. Providing a balanced culture within the home allows children to the ability to understand and meet limits and expectations.
New parents since the beginning of time have had to decide what kind of parent they would be, and that has yet to change. Balance should be the rule when looking at successful parenting. The child centered strategy can lean on the extreme and being too strict can keep children from some important experiences. Resourceful parents can find many ways to offer their children decision making moments, such as what they want to wear and what games they would like to play. By allowing the children to take part in small decisions you are giving them chances to achieve true success. Using the traditional parenting method, clear boundaries are set and present the child with a concept of appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. Through blending the two strategies, parents can utilize the best of both worlds and produce a healthy and well rounded child.
Dangers of Child Centered Parenting